[ He sits, listening quietly, his own plate untouched. At the end of all that, it occurs to him that now is probably not the best time to confess that he wants to kill every Normal on the face of the earth.
...except, does he really?
It's a small voice in the back of his mind, the voice of the child he used to be. Most of the time he can ignore it, or drown it out. But just now, listening to Kazuya's horrifying account, that voice is unopposed, as the rest of him is shocked into silence.
How much do you want your revenge? How deep is your hate?
He'd already decided to set aside his differences with BABEL in order to defeat Black Phantom and change the future. His Queen's life is more important than his revenge. But if he could have it all — saving the Queen's life and destroying all Normals — would he want it? ]
I don't have any answers.
[ For a moment, he seems surprised that he said that out loud. Then his features smooth out and he smiles, thinly. ]
Most deaths are pointless, in a war. People's lives are the most precious.... and the most disposable things in the world.
[Kazuya made a noise that was slightly strained, his lips pressing into a thin, white line. For a moment, it seemed like he was mute with anger, unable to reply to Hyoubu's query, before the tautness in his body slowly leached away, his hand reaching out to pluck up a palm-sized cherry tart and bite into it hungrily. His lips were stained red.
There was no way to explain Naoya's plan without revealing sensitive things, but thus far Major Hyou-Kyou had taken things in stride, was peculiar himself, and possessed supernatural abilities. Perhaps Kazuya could expose himself without worry of judgement or needing to treat him dismissively just so that any words from fear or anger wouldn't touch him]
To get revenge, obviously. Only people with that on the brain would do something so stupid. [Kazuya's tone was practically dripping with disdain, and his next bite of the tart was particularly vicious] You think after a few thousand years you'd let bygones be bygones, but no, seemed like he had nothing better to do than stew on a grudge instead of, y'know, doing something productive for society. Better yet, he decides to sacrifice a shit load of people for it and almost end humanity itself just to settle a score - and even better, he dragged me into it!
[CHOMP. That poor tart was practically being savaged]
I'm not comfortable in being a murderer - wow, what a concept! It's like I have a sense of decency or something! You know, enough of a fucking brain to go "well, that happened a long time ago, and clinging to that past is just going to fuck over the future and hurt people who are in no way, shape, or form, related to that, so may as well move forwards", but no, he's so stuck in the past he may as well be a fossil.
[The cherry tart was finished, brutually devoured by a steaming mad Kazuya. He roughly wiped his mouth clean of crumbs and hissed venomously;] He's such a child! A stupid, immature brat! You know what, next time I see him I'm gonna wallop him. Yeah! I'll beat some sense into that thick skull of his! Psh, someone needs to... that little... [Mutter, mutter, grumble, grumble, murderous glowering...]
[ Kazuya's fury paradoxically silences the voice in his head. The dark core of his hatred swells. ]
I won't deny that revenge is stupid, or that it doesn't make sense. But sometimes there's nothing left, for a person, except revenge. Some things you just can't get over, whether it's decades or thousands of years. To let "bygones be bygones"... that's like saying that it was okay, what happened. That you're fine with it. That you're fine with the things that are still happening.
[ His voice had started out measured, his face calm, but now he's shaking. His fists are clenched. ]
As for hurting innocents... no one is innocent, if they're content to mindlessly go along with the status quo.
[ He pushes back from the table. ]
Well, I'm sorry you had to get your hands dirty and have your sense of decency offended. But most of the time you have to break things before you can fix them. Somebody has to take that on.
[ He knows... he knows that his situation and Kazuya's are likely very different. That Naoya might have been motivated by nothing more than blind hatred, like Gilliam. But Kazuya's account of things has struck a nerve, and he can't really control himself. ]
[Kazuya looked briefly startled at his companion's spike of anger and hatred, making his head buzz almost unpleasantly. He shook off the instinctive (demonic) urge to pull more of those emotions out, and peered at him quizzically as if Hyoubu had done something truly and utterly strange. Well, that was a first, to hear someone justify - or, attempt to - Naoya's actions, when even demons acknowledged that the man's actions were screwed up. His surprise dulled, and something in his posture and expression shifted towards scrutinising, his gaze holding the same intensity as a cat would when locking onto a bird.
Oh.
Oh.
Hyoubu was...]
Are you serious? Didn't you hear me earlier? You don't have the right to judge someone on whether they're innocent or not, especially on something like 'ignorance', you-
[Kazuya stopped, then let out a heavy sigh, but it wasn't irritated or frustrated - he sounded more sad than anything. Keisuke thought that - thought that killing those he deemed unworthy of living, criminals and 'bad guys', would create a world more peaceful, but how can peace be built on top of the bones of others? Naoya dragged humanity into his personal grudge against God, not caring what happened to innocent people so long as he was satisfied, and Kazuya himself, who was pushed into the position of being humanity's Judge, Jury and Executioner, even if he rarely acted in the third role. It was not a position he fulfilled happily, content to push for forgiveness and redemption, as oppose to outright execution.
How can revenge and violence solve anything? It doesn't. It caused temporary peace, and then it would begin all over again, a new scar or tragedy that carried into a new generation. Kazuya wished he could somehow impart this knowledge on Hyoubu, since he did seem like an okay guy - a bit twisted by hatred, now that he was looking, but ultimately a man who was not wholly evil. But alas, Kazuya knew he wasn't very good when it came to words or inspiring speeches, and if anything made people angrier and more stubborn instead. Still, he wanted to at least try]
I know it isn't easy, forgiving a deep wrong against yourself or others. [Kazuya's voice was soft] But trust me when I say it never ends well. It may be all you have left, but hatred's like quicksand. The longer you stay in there, the deeper it's gonna suck you in, and the next thing you know, everything's distorted and...
[He remembered, vaguely, when he himself was like that, though it was more like a dream of a memory, rather than the memory itself. Of when Naoya - Cain - smashed that rock into his skull and murdered him with such singleminded viciousness, where he - Abel - cried and screamed and begged and died and felt such hatred that he tore himself apart to become a demon of vengeance instead. Looking at that hazy memory, Kazuya terrified himself. He didn't want anyone to transform into anything like that again - not Naoya, who was already some form of monster but not beyond help, and not this Hyoubu Kyousuke, either, even though he was a near stranger. The man was twisted, but still very kind. It'd be a shame if he became a monster - a bad guy - for real]
...well, you pretty much become what you're revenging against.
[ It has occurred to him, from the way Kazuya is speaking, that he's drawing from deep personal experience. But even so... Hyoubu knows very well that forgiveness is the path to redemption. But he has strayed so far from that path, he knows he'll never find it. Besides, forgiveness isn't something he's willing to give, nor does he expect it from others.
Saotome was a monster, as were his collaborators, as are all the Normals who prey upon espers.
He'd been half-standing up during Kazuya's speech, but now he sits down again, heavily. ]
You're right about that.
[ He's a monster, too. He has no illusions about that. After a while, the cloud across his face passes, his features smooth out, and he even manages a smile. ]
Well. Do you feel better now, having unburdened yourself?
[Well, the anger had been interrupted, although Kazuya was unsure if his message had gotten through. Most likely not. He frowned, but reluctantly let it go, because he didn't want to harp and preach. His words would never be considered if he became a self-righteous, insistent nag, like someone he could name (Metatron)]
Kind of. I think? Ish, maybe. I got too riled up. [he slouched in his seat, choosing which poor meal to demolish gruesomely] Bad memories aren't pleasant, even if you get like a two second bit of relief for picking at them.
[He picked up a simple-made ham sandwich, looking at it contemplatively for a moment before saying with forced casualness;] Besides, I never got round to my confession, since it's going to come out at some point. I mean, you seem like a very open minded guy, revenge issue aside, so I guess it'll be fine. Not like I care or anything, but people tend to get fussy over it.
[Once he says it, and Hyoubu accepts - well, then Kazuya can properly relax around someone and won't worry about checking himself, since he'd know the important, dark secrets to be 'in the know'. If not, then, well, he'll still hang around if he'd tolerate that, but Kazuya will know to not get emotionally invested. Safer that way.
He took a bite out of his sandwich, looking anywhere but Hyoubu, a brief pause settling over them as he chewed and swallowed. He sighed;] Okay, fuck it: I'm a demon, just so you know.
He should have anticipated this punchline, he realizes in retrospect, what with the whole "becoming the thing you hate" commentary. And "humans being humans." Now that he's paying attention, he fancies he can feel the self-loathing coming off the boy (he still thinks of Kazuya as a boy) in waves. So he's careful to keep his features composed, maintaining an expression of interest and anticipation even after Kazuya drops his bombshell, as if to imply, "is that all?" And then, when it's clear Kazuya is finished, he leans back and says pleasantly: ]
I'm afraid that really doesn't mean much to me. Demons are mythical creatures. They don't really exist. You might as well tell me you're a dragon.
[ He glances at Kazuya's ham sandwich, and then pointedly at the piles of food, and then back at Kazuya. ]
[A tension that lined Kazuya's shoulders relaxed a fraction, and he lifted his gaze, staring at Hyoubu as if trying to sniff out any sign of deceit. He couldn't see any. Hyoubu looked completely unruffled, and it was enough to make Kazuya feel a little emboldened, a hesitant smile teasing the corners of his mouth for a brief moment. He'll keep quiet on the fact that dragons exist too (in his world, at least)]
I remember being human enough to be against cannibalism. [he pulled a face at the thought - and decided not to admit to the fact that most demons were psychic vampires anyway, devouring the emotions humans experienced like some kind of succubus. The more intense, the better. As for the physical eating, well, apparently demons just liked the taste] Nope, cakes and steaks and all kinds of snacks are my main food source, so don't worry about me eyeing you up for dessert.
[ He watches Kazuya, taking in the look of disbelief, and then the tension flowing out of him, followed by a flicker of a smile. It's a familiar sight, to him. Espers are commoner now than they were in the past, and often a single esper child would be born into a town that had never seen one before. And if they were powerful...
The look on their faces when he rescued them and told them, no, you're not a monster. This is what he's seeing now, on Kazuya's. ]
And I was going to say, I suggest that you don't make a meal of my acquaintances, either.
[ There's a delicate emphasis on the word "suggest" which implies painful, drawn-out, bloody revenge. He says it with a bright smile, however, and adds: ]
But since you prefer more conventional means of sustenance, there's no need. I'm what's called an "esper," by the way. In my world, I suspect it means the same thing as "demon" does in yours.
[As if Kazuya needed to be warned from eating people. He gave a semi-offended sniff, but tactfully said nothing on the matter. He truly did understand the caution, since humans were normally a favourite in a demon's diet]
You think? You seem pretty human to me. [As in, 100% human, albeit one with weird powers] I mean, demons are a completely separate species. Are espers the same in your world? Like, an evolutionary upgrade or something?
A common mistake. I made the same one myself, for fifteen years.
[ He now reaches for something to eat — from one of Kazuya's plates (obviously). It's a fancy miniature cake, decorated lavishly with confectionary flower petals. He turns it in his hand, regarding it from all sides, as if he were thinking about how to elaborate on that, before finally popping the thing in his mouth. ]
[Kazuya frowned at the blatant theft of one of his food, and pointedly dragged (the numerous) plates closer to himself, very much like a dragon attempting to loom protectively over its horde - albeit a very tiny dragon with a horde that was food rather than gold, but he was still very threatening thank you very much (he wasn't)]
Oi, eat your own food. [he huffed, eyeing the miniature cake Hyoubu was eating with ill-disguised envy. Damn, that looked tasty, and that bastard swiped it! Curse him and his children and/or grandkids!] Hmph... anyway, an upgrade on humanity, huh?
[Kazuya's glowering eased into something like consideration, staring intently at Hyoubu. He looked human, he smelled human, he felt human... maybe they were misunderstanding, then. Maybe espers were a subset on humanity? It was possible. It wasn't as if humans casting magic was anything new. They could do it since they first crawled out of the mud, apparently]
Well, what's it like, then? Being an "upgrade"? You eat different things or live differently?
No. We don't. But we might as well. That's the thing about humans...
[ There's a Pocky stick that's peeking out from beneath Kazuya's protective hoarding. Hyoubu plucks at it, telekinetically, trying to tease it out from its stack like a Jenga block. ]
No matter how similar they are, they can always be counted on to find some tiny difference to attack each other over. Of course... being an esper is far from a "tiny" difference.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...except, does he really?
It's a small voice in the back of his mind, the voice of the child he used to be. Most of the time he can ignore it, or drown it out. But just now, listening to Kazuya's horrifying account, that voice is unopposed, as the rest of him is shocked into silence.
How much do you want your revenge? How deep is your hate?
He'd already decided to set aside his differences with BABEL in order to defeat Black Phantom and change the future. His Queen's life is more important than his revenge. But if he could have it all — saving the Queen's life and destroying all Normals — would he want it? ]
I don't have any answers.
[ For a moment, he seems surprised that he said that out loud. Then his features smooth out and he smiles, thinly. ]
Most deaths are pointless, in a war. People's lives are the most precious.... and the most disposable things in the world.
[ He sighs. ]
You might as well tell me. What was Naoya's plan?
no subject
There was no way to explain Naoya's plan without revealing sensitive things, but thus far Major Hyou-Kyou had taken things in stride, was peculiar himself, and possessed supernatural abilities. Perhaps Kazuya could expose himself without worry of judgement or needing to treat him dismissively just so that any words from fear or anger wouldn't touch him]
To get revenge, obviously. Only people with that on the brain would do something so stupid. [Kazuya's tone was practically dripping with disdain, and his next bite of the tart was particularly vicious] You think after a few thousand years you'd let bygones be bygones, but no, seemed like he had nothing better to do than stew on a grudge instead of, y'know, doing something productive for society. Better yet, he decides to sacrifice a shit load of people for it and almost end humanity itself just to settle a score - and even better, he dragged me into it!
[CHOMP. That poor tart was practically being savaged]
I'm not comfortable in being a murderer - wow, what a concept! It's like I have a sense of decency or something! You know, enough of a fucking brain to go "well, that happened a long time ago, and clinging to that past is just going to fuck over the future and hurt people who are in no way, shape, or form, related to that, so may as well move forwards", but no, he's so stuck in the past he may as well be a fossil.
[The cherry tart was finished, brutually devoured by a steaming mad Kazuya. He roughly wiped his mouth clean of crumbs and hissed venomously;] He's such a child! A stupid, immature brat! You know what, next time I see him I'm gonna wallop him. Yeah! I'll beat some sense into that thick skull of his! Psh, someone needs to... that little... [Mutter, mutter, grumble, grumble, murderous glowering...]
no subject
I won't deny that revenge is stupid, or that it doesn't make sense. But sometimes there's nothing left, for a person, except revenge. Some things you just can't get over, whether it's decades or thousands of years. To let "bygones be bygones"... that's like saying that it was okay, what happened. That you're fine with it. That you're fine with the things that are still happening.
[ His voice had started out measured, his face calm, but now he's shaking. His fists are clenched. ]
As for hurting innocents... no one is innocent, if they're content to mindlessly go along with the status quo.
[ He pushes back from the table. ]
Well, I'm sorry you had to get your hands dirty and have your sense of decency offended. But most of the time you have to break things before you can fix them. Somebody has to take that on.
[ He knows... he knows that his situation and Kazuya's are likely very different. That Naoya might have been motivated by nothing more than blind hatred, like Gilliam. But Kazuya's account of things has struck a nerve, and he can't really control himself. ]
Somebody has to be the bad guy.
no subject
Oh.
Oh.
Hyoubu was...]
Are you serious? Didn't you hear me earlier? You don't have the right to judge someone on whether they're innocent or not, especially on something like 'ignorance', you-
[Kazuya stopped, then let out a heavy sigh, but it wasn't irritated or frustrated - he sounded more sad than anything. Keisuke thought that - thought that killing those he deemed unworthy of living, criminals and 'bad guys', would create a world more peaceful, but how can peace be built on top of the bones of others? Naoya dragged humanity into his personal grudge against God, not caring what happened to innocent people so long as he was satisfied, and Kazuya himself, who was pushed into the position of being humanity's Judge, Jury and Executioner, even if he rarely acted in the third role. It was not a position he fulfilled happily, content to push for forgiveness and redemption, as oppose to outright execution.
How can revenge and violence solve anything? It doesn't. It caused temporary peace, and then it would begin all over again, a new scar or tragedy that carried into a new generation. Kazuya wished he could somehow impart this knowledge on Hyoubu, since he did seem like an okay guy - a bit twisted by hatred, now that he was looking, but ultimately a man who was not wholly evil. But alas, Kazuya knew he wasn't very good when it came to words or inspiring speeches, and if anything made people angrier and more stubborn instead. Still, he wanted to at least try]
I know it isn't easy, forgiving a deep wrong against yourself or others. [Kazuya's voice was soft] But trust me when I say it never ends well. It may be all you have left, but hatred's like quicksand. The longer you stay in there, the deeper it's gonna suck you in, and the next thing you know, everything's distorted and...
[He remembered, vaguely, when he himself was like that, though it was more like a dream of a memory, rather than the memory itself. Of when Naoya - Cain - smashed that rock into his skull and murdered him with such singleminded viciousness, where he - Abel - cried and screamed and begged and died and felt such hatred that he tore himself apart to become a demon of vengeance instead. Looking at that hazy memory, Kazuya terrified himself. He didn't want anyone to transform into anything like that again - not Naoya, who was already some form of monster but not beyond help, and not this Hyoubu Kyousuke, either, even though he was a near stranger. The man was twisted, but still very kind. It'd be a shame if he became a monster - a bad guy - for real]
...well, you pretty much become what you're revenging against.
no subject
Saotome was a monster, as were his collaborators, as are all the Normals who prey upon espers.
He'd been half-standing up during Kazuya's speech, but now he sits down again, heavily. ]
You're right about that.
[ He's a monster, too. He has no illusions about that. After a while, the cloud across his face passes, his features smooth out, and he even manages a smile. ]
Well. Do you feel better now, having unburdened yourself?
no subject
Kind of. I think? Ish, maybe. I got too riled up. [he slouched in his seat, choosing which poor meal to demolish gruesomely] Bad memories aren't pleasant, even if you get like a two second bit of relief for picking at them.
[He picked up a simple-made ham sandwich, looking at it contemplatively for a moment before saying with forced casualness;] Besides, I never got round to my confession, since it's going to come out at some point. I mean, you seem like a very open minded guy, revenge issue aside, so I guess it'll be fine. Not like I care or anything, but people tend to get fussy over it.
[Once he says it, and Hyoubu accepts - well, then Kazuya can properly relax around someone and won't worry about checking himself, since he'd know the important, dark secrets to be 'in the know'. If not, then, well, he'll still hang around if he'd tolerate that, but Kazuya will know to not get emotionally invested. Safer that way.
He took a bite out of his sandwich, looking anywhere but Hyoubu, a brief pause settling over them as he chewed and swallowed. He sighed;] Okay, fuck it: I'm a demon, just so you know.
no subject
He should have anticipated this punchline, he realizes in retrospect, what with the whole "becoming the thing you hate" commentary. And "humans being humans." Now that he's paying attention, he fancies he can feel the self-loathing coming off the boy (he still thinks of Kazuya as a boy) in waves. So he's careful to keep his features composed, maintaining an expression of interest and anticipation even after Kazuya drops his bombshell, as if to imply, "is that all?" And then, when it's clear Kazuya is finished, he leans back and says pleasantly: ]
I'm afraid that really doesn't mean much to me. Demons are mythical creatures. They don't really exist. You might as well tell me you're a dragon.
[ He glances at Kazuya's ham sandwich, and then pointedly at the piles of food, and then back at Kazuya. ]
You don't still snack on humans, do you?
no subject
I remember being human enough to be against cannibalism. [he pulled a face at the thought - and decided not to admit to the fact that most demons were psychic vampires anyway, devouring the emotions humans experienced like some kind of succubus. The more intense, the better. As for the physical eating, well, apparently demons just liked the taste] Nope, cakes and steaks and all kinds of snacks are my main food source, so don't worry about me eyeing you up for dessert.
no subject
[ He watches Kazuya, taking in the look of disbelief, and then the tension flowing out of him, followed by a flicker of a smile. It's a familiar sight, to him. Espers are commoner now than they were in the past, and often a single esper child would be born into a town that had never seen one before. And if they were powerful...
The look on their faces when he rescued them and told them, no, you're not a monster. This is what he's seeing now, on Kazuya's. ]
And I was going to say, I suggest that you don't make a meal of my acquaintances, either.
[ There's a delicate emphasis on the word "suggest" which implies painful, drawn-out, bloody revenge. He says it with a bright smile, however, and adds: ]
But since you prefer more conventional means of sustenance, there's no need. I'm what's called an "esper," by the way. In my world, I suspect it means the same thing as "demon" does in yours.
no subject
You think? You seem pretty human to me. [As in, 100% human, albeit one with weird powers] I mean, demons are a completely separate species. Are espers the same in your world? Like, an evolutionary upgrade or something?
no subject
[ He now reaches for something to eat — from one of Kazuya's plates (obviously). It's a fancy miniature cake, decorated lavishly with confectionary flower petals. He turns it in his hand, regarding it from all sides, as if he were thinking about how to elaborate on that, before finally popping the thing in his mouth. ]
Mmm.
[ Thickly: ]
An upgrade, that's right.
no subject
Oi, eat your own food. [he huffed, eyeing the miniature cake Hyoubu was eating with ill-disguised envy. Damn, that looked tasty, and that bastard swiped it! Curse him and his children and/or grandkids!] Hmph... anyway, an upgrade on humanity, huh?
[Kazuya's glowering eased into something like consideration, staring intently at Hyoubu. He looked human, he smelled human, he felt human... maybe they were misunderstanding, then. Maybe espers were a subset on humanity? It was possible. It wasn't as if humans casting magic was anything new. They could do it since they first crawled out of the mud, apparently]
Well, what's it like, then? Being an "upgrade"? You eat different things or live differently?
no subject
No. We don't. But we might as well. That's the thing about humans...
[ There's a Pocky stick that's peeking out from beneath Kazuya's protective hoarding. Hyoubu plucks at it, telekinetically, trying to tease it out from its stack like a Jenga block. ]
No matter how similar they are, they can always be counted on to find some tiny difference to attack each other over. Of course... being an esper is far from a "tiny" difference.